Didn't realize its been 4 years.......

4 years! Such a time!

Today as I am opening this page, I tend to realize how long it has been since I wrote my heart out... Where was I for 4 years? If you too are thinking the same, let me tell you life has changed a lot at my end. Most importantly, I have changed from being single to a mother of a 3 year old kid which means it has absolutely changed a lot….

Felt in love and didn’t know how life took me towards such a nasty path that I could hardly take time to write. However, I did keep sometime for my professional works but, getting into my personal world with my blog on was simply difficult as I needed that "my time" for it.

Today I felt myself alive again and wished to get back to my personal love for writing and see here I am to continue with what I had started long back.

4 years back, I fell in love with this amazing person who not just changed my life but, my way of loving life and living it to the fullest as well. He inspires my real self and has simply highlighted the real me. I can simply say that he has influenced me and my life 100% percent.

Holding the little fingers of my lil' champ, I can spend my entire life. When he was born, I couldn’t understand how to react or respond. I was so involved with my motherhood love that I hardly realized I should have shared it here. Anyways! All I can say is that motherhood has been something really hard to describe but, simply enjoy and feel. And I must say I am pretty lucky to have a chance to experience it!

It’s simply awesome!

Holding one hand of my beloved and lending the other to my cutie, I am simply enjoying this blissful journey of love and just pray to remain the same, till I die...

Well! I am returning back on my blog with the story that was left untold and will soon finish it!

Hope to see your comments and following too!!

Wish me luck and all the best! 

SHADES-XIV

“Sun had already raised high and I had another reason to keep my head low. I couldn't believe what I was doing? Seeing him coming down from a distance along with the same bunch of friends he used to carry, I was burying my head , as low as I could. Adding to my visibility, I hadn't put my scarf on, even. I wanted my beauty to tag him, that was the reason of avoiding the scarf, but lo what I was doing for my exposure was only trying to dig myself in the grounds. Not sure if he had noticed me or not I peeped through the corner of my eyes and what happened was never on the plot. He seemed to be standing right next to me , but without even a hint of me. Suddenly I heard a voice right from my left side, “Excuse me”. I trembled with a shiver that ran into trillions of nerve I carried in my body. The voice continued and I forced my eyelids from raising high, “ If I am not mistaken, which I usually don’t , have we met before. I remember something vaguely about you and being very honest something drew me towards you as I am not into bumping into someone asking such stupid questions. So, in short do we know each other?”

 A deep silence prevailed all around, even though there was much of a noisy air at the bus-stop. I didn't even raise a single word and not even my eyes, until I five fingers flashing right in front of my face and a firm voice raising a question ,” “Hello mam, I am talking to you, if you don’t mind, could you answer me please. I think I haven’t asked one of those difficult MCQ’s that are asked in your medical exams that you are out of your calculation.” The firmness turned into a mocking smile, then after, I had no other choice than to answer him. I looked straight in his eyes and asked, “ If you can remember all these shit, can’t you remember, who I am?”, and turned my head right away from him,and walked around five steps away from him. My strength of anger had definitely created a question mark in his mind and he followed me counting right five steps in proportion to mine. I was a little pissed off at his reaction, but was loving the steps he was taking towards me. As he was about to utter a few more rigid words, right then the bus appeared out of nowhere and the horn broke both our anticipations, running around.” Tammy could watch Ankush’s  pink face opened in astonishment and he jovially touched his lower chin to close his open mouth.They both laughed together on the fact that how serious they have gone in the flow, that none of them noticed the opened piece of mouth, Ankush had been carrying throughout the conversation.

SHades-XIII

Time was passing and so were the days, but something stagnant was still left behind. I kept trying to get away from thinking about him, but everything went in vain. Ankush was surprisingly looking at Tammy as the only time passed, she remembered was his summer and winter vacations, that he would regret.

Tammy continued, “When it was beyond my control. That I could no longer keep away from him, there was no option I was left with. My last decision to reach him had failed, but this time I decided not to give up. Purely an indecisive Tammy was coming in the highlights, which I never had been as a person. Definitely something was wrong with either of the two – situation or I, again an indecisive situation. I was being completely, what I was not, but absolutely unaware of the reason. Everything was up in the air and felt as if hung upside down. I had made up my mind for the second time to tell him what was running throughout my mind. My medical exams were very near and I had to live up to my dream. A disastrous second night passed on somehow and this was the second time, I was on a lead to the sun. “Ankush was smiling hearing Tammy accepting her faults, herself. Tammy smiled back at him, noticing the naughty thought, the kiddo was full of.

“As I knew the place, he boarded the bus from, I had decided to be in time there and board the bus along with him. My plan of action was to make him notice me and as he would look puzzled, I would strike the hammer, making him more puzzled. I always knew that guys are more interested in puzzling things around, thanks to my brother, who was an expert at puzzle solving. I was wearing a white shirt, half folded along the cuffs, along with icy blue jeans. I found myself the dumbest creature on the earth on that day and finally ended on these as the wisest decision of my life. But, I must say the floral prints on the white base were actually suiting the occasion. White danglers along with my favourite white wrist watch and a little gloss on my lips were adding to my arena around. He always had seemed to be a serious guy, but some of his mischievous acts had always confused me. The winks he shared and the closeness that I shared while he approached me out of the blue still were giving the most interesting puzzle to me that had to be still resolved. Anyways what so ever it would be, I had decided to my part and live regret less, the entire life”

Watching her serious expression, Ankush asked her childishly, “Why does your expression always get bitter, when you talk about regrets, especially in terms of him?” Tammy was surprised of the level of understanding this seven year old had. She went on and on saying, If you being such a kiddo, just seven year old could understand so many untold things,  why can’t he?” She couldn’t stop few drops of tears that flickered down her corner of her eyes, smudging her kajal, this time. “Which kajal do you put Tammy?” with a fully amazed expression. Tammy looked completely surprised at him, with the tears driven eyelashes of her. “Answer me Tammy, this can’t be a secret, you cannot reveal”, strongly drafted Ankush. “LAkme, but what do u draw from that, I simply wonder”, said Tammy wiping the smudged corners of her eyes. “You cry so much that even Lakme smudge-free kajal couldn’t help and he started laughing in his own naturally childish flows. Tammy’s lips widened and this time, it wasn’t an artificial one. Ankush burst into laughter as he was Tammy smiling and watching him gave immense pleasure to Tammy.

Can I bring it back??

Can I bring it back??

The miles of smiles , the days of laughter

Feelings were shared , understandings thenafter

Feel like speaking to you again

But, I am pretty sure there’s nothing to regain

Memories make me perturbed, but only one question keeps me awake

Can I bring it back , can I bring it back????

The small rides we shared

The silly sorrows I bear’d

Feel like getting back to your world

But, I ma pretty sure there’s nothing that would be ever earned

Moments keep up running at the same pace, but one question still keeps up in the race

Can I bring it back , can I bring it back????

World around seems to change

Life seems to be taking revenge

Happy moments are drifting away

Prevaling ones have nothing to think about

Feels like holding the ones that passed away

But, I am pretty sure there’s nothing to hold

Memories make me smile instantly, but only one question still needs a reply

Can I bring it back , can I bring it back????

The pampers and care you shared

The beautiful moments that time has blowed

Feels like once again becoming as the child you cared

But, time doesn’t seems in favour

I am pretty sure, nothing will return back ever

But, there’s only one thing that keeps in my endevour

Can I bring it back , can I bring it back????

Fir Ye Sb Hi Kynn Acha Lgta H!!!!

Waqt be waqt tera milna, kyn acha lgta h?
Ankhe band karu to tera chehra hi kyn acha lgta h?
Aaj ho na ho tu paas mere
Fir tere saath hone ka ehsaas hi kyn acha lgta h?

Suna tha pyar me badi bekarariyan hoti h
Neend nai aata aur chaino karar bhi khota h
Agar pyar me itti takleef hoti h
Fir ye bekarariyon ka sukun hi kyn acha lgta h?

Barso beet gaye is ehsaas ko paane me
Kabhi hum to kabhi waqt  nazre churata raha
Tera aana ek ehsaan tha mujhpr
Fir is ehsaan k tale dab jaana hi kyn acha lgta h?

Ghadi ki suiyo k sath teri baaton ka intezar
Phone ki ghanti na bajne par wo hona bekaraar
Pata h mujhe ab wo batein wapas nai aayengi
Fir aaj bhi wo tere intezar me jaagna hi kyn acha lgta h?

Baat baat pe yuhi muskura diya krte the tum
Meri har baat inme chupa liya krte the tum
Ab tere baad wo muskurahate bhi fiki pad gayi
Fir in muskurahato ka fika pad jaana hi kyn acha lgta h?

Hath khichkr mera apni baaho me le lete the tum
Meri palke jo sharmati to unhe bhi chuma krte the tum
Aaj bhi tere haatho ki wo garmahat chahti hu mai
Fir wo tera haath khichkar chale jaana hi kyn acha lgta h?

Baat baat pe mujhe ched, halka halka muskurana tera
Ruthe hue palo me fir se manana tera
Gusse me chupe mere pyar ko bhi jaan lete the tum
Fir wo gusse me pyar chupana hi kyn acha lgta h?

Ek tak dekhne ki wo aadat tumhari
Beech me wo palke jhapkane ki kami tumhari
Sharmakar takiye me chup jaati thi mai
Fir teri ankhon ka wo niharana aur katra k mera chup jaana hi kyn acha lagta h?

Kehte the kabhi chodkar nia jaoge mujhe
Waqt be waqt saath nibhaoge tum
Waqt k saath tum bhi chod gaye mujhe
Fir tera chale jaana bhi kyn acha lgta h?

Yaadein teri pal-do-pal aati jaati rehti h
Yaadon k saath tera aana jaana bhi chalta h
Badi takleef hoti h un beete hue palo ko yaad krke
Fir wo tujhe yaad kiye jaana hi kyn acha lgta h?

Aaj yaadein h teri, kal tu bhi to tha
Aaj tu chala gaya to kal yaadein bhi kho jayegi
Is tarah khud ko khone ki chah na thi kbhi
Fir un yaadon k saath mera bhi kahi kho jaana hi kyn acha lgta h?

Shades-XII

"Neither the bus floors could be dug , nor could I hide myself somewhere. The only thing that I could do was to wait for him to come closer and let the things flow at their own pace. Every single step he was taking was creating a bang in my heart.I had made him a part of my life, where I would just look at him and that would be more than enough for me. Today when he came closer to me in the bus, just froze all my blood in the body. I could remember every single step that he made towards me and how he just stood near to me, saying nothing at all. I could feel the breezes flowing all around me and the proximity of his nearness. I stood as still as ice and none of my sense could feel anything, except the presence of him very near to me. It was just for a couple of around 5-6 minutes and then he just walked away, as if nothing was done intentionally. I raised my eyelids and looked around, locating him. I turned my head all around but couldn’t locate him. Suddenly I saw a resembling figure standing down the bus and I leaned towards the window to reconfirm. The figure standing was staring back at me, but the very next moment left me astonished and I swear this was something I would have not even dreamt about. As I looked towards him, the sweet facial expressions made my heart pound even faster. He simply smiled and winked at me and I could do nothing, but left myself being swept away as the bus passed. There was no communication, no speech between us, but that very expression communicated a lot. I was out of my senses and had already started falling for him and now I was getting completely immersed into it. We went to the concert, but still I had left my hero behind and all my attention was still stuck with him. The concert was over-crowded and there were people all around, but nothing was able to distract my attention from the incidence, totally unexpected, but equally sweet and memorable. That night went sleepless, as I kept struggling between my sleep and the wink that he had made. His smile made a flash with every single drop of my eyelids. I could feel the loss of my mental peace and an overpowering thing that had somehow entered in my life. I had never been a person who would be overpowered , but this situation was making me feel helpless , but first time I was liking it. Things were changing and I was feeling the change within me especially. I knew that this had no results , so I had to find a way out for this. After a couple of thoughtful nights I decided to speak to the guy directly. I was doing all this for a person, whom I have just met and was not even knowing his name, so I decided that it was high time. I had been a situation handling person, a fighter not a compromising person, so I decided to face it once and for all.

No sleep at all, that night before the dome’s day was very difficult for me. I thought of more than a thousand ways to initiate the conversation, but still wasn’t sure which would be the best one. The morning came late that day as I was awake all night, and woke up earlier than sun, itself.

Shades-XI

Tammana had not loved him because she wanted to, but she fell for him as she was meant for it. They had hardly met since when she had started having the weird feeling for him.. Even she was amazed with the degree of involvement, she had started falling into.

Tammy carried on the story, saying, and “Each fine day I would dress up like it was my B’day and wait for the bus. My eyes would toggle around for the most unfamiliar but equally familiar face that would pay even a little attention to her. Some of the days, I couldn’t even find him in the bus & that day went as the worst part of me. The day would pass, but I would stay them and there. Today I feel how stupid I was & what all stupidity love makes human do. It completely transforms a healthy living human to the most vulnerable and equally stupid creature on this earth. I could feel the sensations of the same driving in the insight of me. What I couldn’t understand was whether to get rid of it or flow in the same pace?”

“It was one of the most awaited Sunday, as we used to gang out, with due permission from our parents. The same sources, our low floor buses, were out beginning and the destination. We were a gang of five girls, the famous five and we would drench ourselves into the fun and frolic on Sundays. Movies, hang out and every other fun filling activity, that appeared in our dignified boundary. I always had a compassionate lust towards drinks and always wanted to taste them, once in my life time. We were in the complete party mood, travelling in the same red colored bus, which was supposed to be our lifeline. It was a singer’s eve, where we were supposed to go. We were allowed to attend the show till 7pm and that was more than enough for us. Out of no where, a thing came in my notice. No wonder it was the same notification, which was running in my mind since my fall for him. It was hard enough to believe what was right at my front. My gang didn’t know about all these, as I had never been a kind of person, who would share the insights. But, my sudden blush and temperament change could hint them that something was fishy. I tried my level best to avoid any direct eye contact and any further notification. The fate had decided something else. This time he wasn’t travelling alone, he had a big bunch of guys, along with him, that was kindling his confidence. I saw him whispering in his friend’s ear and walking towards me. I felt as if I would loose my senses, feeling of hiding myself in the bus floor, I was behaving like an Ostrich, actually.”

Ankush was surprised with the word Ostrich, that came in the story and started with his query, “Tammy sorry for interrupting you , but can I know what was an Ostrich, the flightless bird doing, in between you and the guy. Tammy was amused at the query he had developed from his little older brain. She smiled and explained the logic how an Ostrich would hide his head, under the ground, stupidly thinking that nobody would be watching it. Ankush was laughing at the stupidity, that a flightless bird was showing and his innocent smile was adding more life in Tammy’s life. She felt more alive with every little smile he would shower, in her so called life.